Define yourself by what you are.

Reading through my old journals, there is one general theme I found: it is this need to be/do more. And I believe this stems from comparison and feeling as though I do not always measure up to those around me. 

I have this subconscious monster in the back of the mind constantly attacking me with the idea I am not enough. Even though I am exhausted and being pulled in so many directions throughout the day, I feel like I should be doing more. I have to give more. I need to be more. 

I think these feelings have only skyrocketed since becoming a mom. My life is no longer mine, and that is totally fine. I’d choose to become a mother time and time again because the love I feel for this tiny human fills me with more purpose than I have ever known. It has healed me in ways I never knew possible. Yet, at the same time, I lost the person I was before the title of “mom” was put on my resume. She is still in there and her dreams are still there. And because I still have goals, but I also want to be a great mom, and a good wife, and a good sister, and a devoted family member, and a loving friend (etc., etc.), I feel I will never measure up to the person I want to be, or am supposed to be. 

With all that said, I came across a specific journal entry that spoke directly to my fears and anxieties about what it means to be enough. It said this:

“Do not define yourself by what you aren’t, define yourself by what you are.”

You are so many things to so many people. And at the end of the day, you must give yourself grace and give gratitude for all that you are. Because you are amazing and you are loved. But most importantly, you are doing a great job. There is a time and phase of life for everything, so keep dreaming and striving, but please do not beat yourself up for not being where you want to be. You will get there, or maybe you won’t, and that is okay too. 

I will end with some song lyrics by the great Billy Joel:

“Slow down, you’re doin’ fine

You can’t be everything you wanna be before your time

Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight

Too bad, but it’s the life you lead

You’re so ahead of yourself, that you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you’re wrong

You know you can’t always see when you’re right

You’re right”